I Phin Vain - The Fair Ones

[Linithiel]

I loved Nen's poem so much, that I just had to translate it - hope you don't mind my terrible attempt!

I Phin Vain - The Fair Ones.

Where have they gone, all the bright ones, the fair ones?
Mas bennir, i phin gelair, i phin vain?
Where did they go with the lanterns burning?
Mas bennir ah gelaid lachol?
Where did they ride to, the silver-voiced riders?
Ammas nernir, idh rechyn ah laim gelebrin?
Why are there none from the west returning?
Amman ú-ethelir uin annûn?
Where is the music? The elf-harps are silent.
Mas i laer? I ngennil edhellen dhínin.
Where are their tales of the times long gone by?
Mas i nern-i-lui io anann?
Where did they go to, the fair ones, the bright ones?
Mas bennir, i phin gelair, i phin vain?
What caused their beacon to flicker and die?
Where have they gone to? Their voices were music!
Ammas bennir? I laim în sui ‘lir!
Where do they wander? Their faces were fair!
Mas reviar? I thîr în vain!
Why did they leave us? The world mourns the parting!
Amman men gwanner? I amar naer nan gwannad!
Sharp is our keening that rides on the air.
Maeg i nírnaeth vîn i nôr erin 'wilith

[Brannwen]

That is really neat Ith!!!!!

[Lothiel]

It's not a terrible attempt! It's very well done! I do have a few questions and suggestions for you though:

Where did they go with the lanterns burning?
Mas bennir ah gelaid lachol?
You could use 'lamp' (calar) if you wish for 'lanterns'

Where did they ride to, the silver-voiced riders?
Ammas nerir, idh rechyn ah laim gelebrin?
You can use "Mas" for 'where'... Why the "am-" prefix? Also, 'nerir' should probably be 'nernir'...

Why are there none from the west returning?
Amman ú-delir ad uin annûn?
There is a neo-sindarin verb for "return;" it's "ethel-" if you want to use it instead of "not coming back," however both works.

Where have they gone to? Their voices were music!
Ammas bennir? I laim în sui ‘lir!
How are you using "în"?

Why did they leave us? The world mourns the parting!
Amman hain gwanner? I amar naer nan gwannad!

What is "hain" and "nan" in this sentence?

Mae carnen Lin!

[MirkwoodArcher]

That's wonderful! Lamentation would be good in place of keening.

[Linithiel]

You can use "Mas" for 'where'... Why the "am-" prefix?

I'm sure I've seen an+ mas = ammas, meaning "to where" used somewhere, so I thought I'd use it, although I'm not sure if it's exactly right.

Where have they gone to? Their voices were music!
Ammas bennir? I laim în sui ‘lir!
How are you using "în"?

I was using "în" as the "their". Not sure if that's right, maybe I should use "lin".

Why did they leave us? The world mourns the parting!
Amman hain gwanner? I amar naer nan gwannad!
What is "hain" and "nan" in this sentence?

This was a tricky sentence, so the second the second bit is supposed to say "The world sad at the leaving" with "nan" meaning at the, but I probably could have used something better.
Oops, it shouldn't be "hain" - my mistake!

I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for all your help!

And thanks for that, Nen - I've done the last line now!

[Lothiel]

I'm sure I've seen an+ mas = ammas, meaning "to where" used somewhere, so I thought I'd use it, although I'm not sure if it's exactly right.

Oh, right! Gotcha! That can work in that sense then, but I would personally suggest "mas."

I was using "în" as the "their". Not sure if that's right, maybe I should use "lin".

Hmm. "Lin," is "thy/your." "Tin (with the circumflex on the I)" is "their," and then that would lenit to " din."

Glad I could help!