Poem in Sindarin

[Lothiel]

Well, I got brave yesterday and decided to attempt to write a poem in Sindarin (not write it in English then translate)....

And I even got it to rhyme! I'm so happy! lol


Glîr lín luitha nin
A Ithil vi venel.
Glithiach ah-elenath
Radad athravenel.

Telegain ú-gennen
linnad 'lîr allen;
Ai glithiad luithad
athravenel vain!

Rough Translation:

Your song enchants me
Oh Moon in the sky.
You dance with the starry host
finding a way across the sky.

Harpers unseen
singing songs for you;
Oh dancing enchanting
across the fair sky!

[modified to fix grammatical errors.. ]

[Linithiel]

This looks great, Loey! Well done for the rhyming! Just a few comments/suggestions:

_{Glîr lín luitha nin (should this maybe be "nin luitha"?)}

Hmm, usually I would have said "nin luitha", but the "nin" and "lin" straight after each other feels a little strange, so I'd leave it as it is.

"Ai" is what Legolas says when he sees the Balrog, and I don't think that's that same kind of feeling you want to be conveying when seeing the moon, so I'd suggest using "A", like in "A Elbereth Gilthoniel"

_{Telegain ú-cennen}

Wouldn't that mutate to "ú-gennen"?

"Vi i venel" feels a bit clumsy with all those "i"'s, so maybe just "vi menel" (hmm does vi cause mutation...?) ... (or can we make vi + i = vin?) Hmm, not sure about that one  

Hope this helps - it's a great poem!

[Lothiel]

As far as I'm aware, 'vi' does not cause lenition.

Wouldn't that mutate to "ú-gennen"?

D'oh!  I totally spaced that out!

BTW, it's so great that we can all help each other learn like this. Very cool!

[Gwendeth]

Lo - you are right - 'vi' (probably 'mi') does NOT cause lenition that anyone is aware of.

[Brannwen]

that's awesome Loey!!

[Lothiel]

Thanks Bran!