Poem translated!

[Linithiel]

Well, I only started learning Quenya two weeks ago, so this is my first translation in Quenya, so if anyone could check it for me *cough* Loey *cough* I'd be very grateful. It's a poem from the Two Towers, and I'll put in my Sindarin translation that I did a while ago.

Dwimordenessë, Lórienessë
In Dwimordene, in Lórien

Illimbë lúr avántier i tali Apanónariva,
Seldom have walked the feet of Men,

Illimbë fírimë hendi ecénier i cala
Few mortal eyes have seen the light

I caita oialë, anda ar calima.
That lies there ever, long and bright.

Altariel! Altariel!
Galadriel! Galadriel!

Poica ná i nén ehtelelyava
Clear is the water of your well;

Ninquë ná i elen mi ninquë quárelya;
White is the star in your white hand;

Ilahyaina, ilvahtaina ná lassë ar nórë
Unmarred, unstained is leaf and land

Dwimordenessë, Lórienessë
In Dwimordene in Lórien

Vanima palla sanwi Firimariva.
More fair than thoughts of Mortal Men.

There's probably lots of mistakes  


Here's the poem in Sindarin:

Vi Dwimordene, vi Lórien
Alrem i lui i thail edain pannen,
Alrem i chin fírib i cennin i galad
I ennas dartha an-uir, and a celair.
Galadriel! Galadriel!
Lim i nen eithel lîn;
Nimp i ’il vi cam nimp lîn;
Albrestannen, alwaen lass a dor
Vi Dwimordene, vi Lórien
Bain athan noeth fíriath.

[Lothiel]

Nice Linith!

I haven't had time to actually *look* at it, but I did notice a small error:

Ninquë ná i elen ninquë quáressë

1. I'd say 'quarelya' for "your hand"
and 2. I'd re-work the end of that sentence to say "i elen quarelya ninquë" and just let that "in" be understood, unless, of course, you want to have a reeeelly long word and say "quarelyassë".... (which you can do, btw)

I'll be able to give you more solid feedback when I can actually sit down and review it for you.

[MirkwoodArcher]

It's lovely! I've never tried translating that one and it's great to see it done.

[Linithiel]

Thanks! I'd forgotten about the "your" in that sentence!

[Lothiel]

Hey, no problem.

[Lothiel]

Ok! I finally have some solid feedback for you Linith.

Ninquë ná i elen ninquë quárelyassë;
White is the star in your white hand;

Ok, here, rather than using 'Quarelyassë,' I'd re-work the sentence to read: "Ninquë ná i elen mi ninquë quárelya," or "Ninquë ná i elen mi quárelya ninquë."

"Mi" is the preposition 'in,' but when it's spelled "mí," it means "in the."

Vanima lá sanwi Firimariva.
More fair than thoughts of Mortal Men.

Here, rather than use 'lá,' I'd use 'palla' for beyond since 'lá' is more recognized as a negative.

Other than that, it looks really good Linith. Not many mistakes or anything. Well done.  

[Linithiel]

OK, thanks a lot for your help! I rather liked the long word "quárelyassë", but is it better to use the other way, or is it just personal preference? Your way's probably better. Thanks!

[Lothiel]

It's probably closer to personal preference, however, in the interests of pronounceablility and word-flow, I think using 'mi' is better when coupled with 'quárelya.'

[Jack Sparrow]

Cool!